None

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 22:54:32 GMT

HOLY SHIT I'M UPDATING

Wow, I hate this journal.

All things must come to an end

Thu, 27 Dec 2001 01:29:24 GMT

Last post. I'm getting so tired of Livejournal. Not only was it continually shutting down on me, but I can't even access my friends section anymore! Time to move on. Veg and Xell have said good things about Deadjournal, so I'm hopeful. The only time it's been down since I first registered my name about a month ago, and that's only because they were giving the site a major update.
I had some good entries that I won't delete, so I'm keeping my journal, but I'm stopping updating it for the most part. Maybe I'll update here every once in a while.
If you have a DJ and wanna add me to your fiends list, my name is kurai_shoujo. http://www.deadjournal.com/users/kurai_shoujo

And then they all died...

Wed, 05 Dec 2001 02:48:40 GMT

I talked to Mark finally. Yesterday was his birthday, and it sucked. My dad wouldn't even drive me out to see him, so I couldn't give him the hug that I wanted to give him. It didn't suck because I wasn't there to see him. It was because Michelle (who he loves) didn't even wish him happy b-day.

Anyways, we talked for a while and he said that he's surprised that I'm not callus and bitter liek he is after all the shit that I'm not even going to get into right now (Sinko and Danni know most of it). Fact is, I'm not feeling any emotions right now... again...

Mark and I talked about a lot of different things. We talked about love a bit, and he said that he wished me luck with my love life, or therefor lack of one. Truth is, I don't love anyone, and no one loves me. (No, this is not a pity trip, and I'm not saying everyone hates me. No one loves me the way that Mark loves Michelle, or Nick "loves" Christina. And there's some people who actually have a crush on me, but that doesn't mean anything to me, because I don't care about them). I'm hoping I'll find love. He also said that he missed talking to me, which boosted my self esteem up a little.

This bi-sexual bitch (I don't know if I mentioned her, but I hate her because she's going out with a guy, and cheating on him with a girl in Tampa, and she's rude) asked me why I looked so pissed off all the time. I tried to explain, and she's like, "So?" ... Which makes me think, Then why even ask, you bitch?
From now on, I'm going to pull a Nick and say, "You don't give a damn, so why ask?"

Mark and I are going to try to hang out with Amber at the Park.

Happy Birthday Ashleigh..

Haruka's b-day is tomorrow, so I'm going to call her tomorrow. I might stay home because of this damned cold.

Mon, 26 Nov 2001 21:28:15 GMT

I haven't updated in a while. I don't know why. I just haven't.
I need to call Mark. It's been a while since I called him.

I can't believe it. Nick has a girlfriend now. He got over Leanna, I guess. Grr... makes me mad. I really feel sorry for Amber, though. After all, she loves Nick. I only like him. She's loved Nick since 7th grade... since before he got all cute on us.

Anyways, I started a site if you havent heard already. My site I need some fanfics, so if any of you have some of those Brak's fics lying around from last summer, I'll post them. Oh yeah, and comics too *hint Veg and Krystle*

sigh

Fri, 16 Nov 2001 03:03:51 GMT

Nothing really worth mentioning. Nothing important happened today. I got my pictures back from Walgreens, adn I actually have some good ones of Nick and such. I tried to hook up my scanner so I could show Sinko that "Sexy Mofo" but my comp must have froze at least 5 times when I tried to load the stupid disk thing.

It hurts... It hurts to see Nick so depressed like he was today. It's all stupid Leanna's fault. If she hadn't started playing him... God, his life would be so much better if he just gave up on that slut. She tells him that she "loves him" but then she hangs all over guys in front of him. I'm glad to hear that she has gained some weight... Maybe he'll give up on her, like Mark has pretty much given up on Michelle.

I saw some pictures of Nick from last year. Oh my God, he has the most gorgeous blue eyes in some of those pics. The pics were of Amber's. I still feel bad for liking him. It's not something I can help, though. God, what am I going to do? He's going to find out somehow...

Wed, 14 Nov 2001 21:55:21 GMT

table width="200" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="5">
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<td align="center">
I am 17% Grunge.

</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td align="left">
I will get out of your sight. I'm pathetic! With my clean clothes, and nice smell. I think I took the wrong test, thank god, huh?

Take the Grunge Test at Fuali.com!

</td>
</tr>
</table>

Wed, 14 Nov 2001 01:22:31 GMT

I am 36% EMO.

Not quite Emo
Hmm.. i suggest I stopped listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.

Take the EMO Test at Fuali.com!

Not another damn 36%!!!!!!

Nothing has really happened lately. I got my braclet back! Amber was wearing it during 3rd period and forgot to give it back to me, so she wore it the rest of the day adn put it on Nick to wear Saturday! Niiiiick wore my braaaaaaaclet ^_^ Hehehe...

That's... pretty much it. I have a high C in math, ang I have 5 whole weeks to pull it up to a B. I only haave 3 more band preformances this year, yeah. I wanna hang out with Amber and Nick sometime.. *sighish* Yep...

Sun, 11 Nov 2001 22:17:18 GMT

I was supposed to go to the mall with <3 Nick <3 and Amber, but I couldn't. I should have gone to the fair with them, but I didn't. Amber was talking about how Nick put his arm around her when they were on a ride (his arm was getting squished and the only reason he put it there was because it was the only place that he could put it so it wouldn't get squished, but still... -.-) and I want to go to the fair tonight, but I can't.

Ain't life just peachy?

Tue, 06 Nov 2001 04:07:57 GMT

I hate this feeling. Lonliness... All of you know what it's like, even if you're in a happy relationship right now. I can't stand this feeling. I want someone to love me. I want someone to tell me they love me. I wanna just be able to sit with that person and be happy. I don't wanna be all the guy's buddy that they can tell perverted jokes to like I'm one of the guys. I want to know that someone would miss my if I was gone. I want to stop being ignored. I don't want to walk through the halls anymore alone, seeing all the couples making out and wish I was in love. I want to love. I want to be in love. I want to get into some petty little fight with my boyfriend, and make up with him. I wanna stay on the phone till 3 o'clock talking to my guy, and not wanna get off the phone with him. I want to be invited to all the places my friends are going, and not just hear about it. I want to be the person that my friend stops what their doing to talk to me.

I don't want your pitty. I don't want you to say I'll find love some day. I don't wanna hear all things happen for a reason, and in time I'll find my love. I've heard it all before. You can't give me anything. All you can do is make me feel like I'm worth something.

Danni talked to me and made me feel a bit better. I was such a wreck 20 minutes ago I was about to cry. I still don't know why I was about to cry like that. Maybe I was jealous that she had spent so long talking to this girl she met.

I'm a very jealous person, and I'm so sick of hearing my guy friends go on and on about how much they love a girl friend of mine, and I'm sick of hearing how happy a friend of mine is in her realtionship with her boyfriend. It pisses me off my friend complains about being ugly, but she has at least 4 guys liking her at once. I want someone to like me.

I don't give a fuck if you read this, if you think I'm dumb, or you could give a rats ass about my feelings. This journal if for me not anyones entertainment. If you don't like what you're reading, move on.

Dammit, I had more to say, but my dad is fuckign pissed off so he decideds that he's going to take it out on me. He's critizing everythign I do, and then yells at me "What's wrong with you?!" I think my friends care about me more that he does sometimes.

Just Rambling... Part II

Sun, 04 Nov 2001 21:01:27 GMT

I am 36% Raver.

Well, I have been to a rave. I probably know a bunch of ravers, but they may think of me as an outsider. That's okay, at least I am not a complete freak.

Take the RAVER Test at Fuali.com!

Yeeeeeeeeeeep. Anyways, I just got back from the park. Amber was supposed to go, but her dad wouldn't let her, and Mark was going to try and get Nick to go so it wouldn't be too akward 'cause I know Nick and all, but he wouldn't go. Yep, so it was just me and him. Two teenagers alone in a park. Needless to say, my mom was completley skeptical about the whole thing. I don't even like Mark as more than a friend, but you know how parents are. They didn't want me going, and they tried to think of everything to get me to not wanna go, IE "Oh, todays a bad day to go to the park, it'll be raining and you won't have anything to do."

But, I did go. We sat at the picnic tables while I got bit by ants and we drank Mountain Dew and talked for 2 hours. It was pretty fun. I wish Amber and Nick were there, though, because I was nervous to finally meet him. We talked about a lot of different stuff.

Dammit, I can't believe that the weekend is almost over. I've been so busy with all this band stuff that I haven't had time to just sit down, relax, and enjoy myself. I hate Sundays. Sundays you never wanna do anything, because school is the next day. I hate spending the night at people's houses on Saturdays (unless it's during summer or something) because you never wake up till like, 11 AM and then you have school the next day, so you can't do a lot. I'm glad football season is over for that reason, because now I have free Fridays and can go to people's houses, and spend the night and have all Saturday to hang out and not worry about school.

Yep.

Lake Brantley has got some hot looking low brass players

Sun, 04 Nov 2001 04:06:05 GMT

Just came back from a band tournement. We got a 2, which is okay considering the best you can get is a one, and the lowest score was a 5.

Megan and I went to flirt with some guys from Lake Brantleys band. We ended up talking to this real hot trombone player (I have a new respect for low brass) and his tuba player friend. They were both real nice, and we got some pictures of them. We were having a good time talking to them, when half of the freshmen clarinents come over and stand next to us. The LBHS Drum Major sees all of us, thanks to the clarinets, and she made us go away. *Sighs*

We'll see them next year, I hope. Yep...

Oh yes, and that hot Japanese guy I saw at a game we had against them was a trombone too.

And I got a lollipop.

Blah, Part II

Sat, 03 Nov 2001 05:16:33 GMT

This is going to be short...

Halloween I went trick-or-treating with Amber, Michelle, Nathan, Amber's little brother, and Marie. We dressed up as goths and had lots of fun. April aka Gothic Jessi pissed me off for calling me a poser, and saying she hates posers. My god, it's fucking halloween, April, get a life. I could care less what you think of me. You're one person on the other side of the country that I don't give a rats ass about...

Enough of that...

Thursday was my last band practice, yeah. We had a prep ralley that night. Friday was so long. We had a half day, but we had to go to an Alumni pep ralley, and then we marched in the home comming parade, and then we went to our last game of the season. We won, yeah 23 to 20. It was a really fun game, and we had a kick ass bus driver, so when we were waiting at the stadium to see if the game was cancelled (it was pouring down rain, adn the peoples were discussing if the game should be cancelled due to the wet field) we started singing B-I-N-G-O and the Wheels on the Bus. Later, we listened to an oldies station, and sang some songs. I don't know the names, but...

"Can you tell me, it's not worth dying for?"
"AAAAAAND IIIIIIII-EYIII WILL ALWAYS LOOOOVE YOOOOOOU!"

And then, the bus driver changed it again, and we listened to "Hanging by a Moment" :D

I used up all 27 pics on my camera. 2 were accidently taken.

Saturday we (the band) gets to compete in the band tournement thingy. Yep... going to be there all day -.-

Sunday I finally get to meet Mark, and hang out with him and Amber. Well, I'm about to fall asleep, so I guess I'm out.

Stole this from Julie

Tue, 30 Oct 2001 01:27:27 GMT

Name: Jessica
Nicknames: Kurai, Alita, Ali, Jess, Jessie, Imoutochan, Yuki, Amaya, Yume, "Girl"
Alias: See above
Languages: English and a bit of Japanese
Birthday/Sign: July 1st, 1987... Cancer
Personality Type: Outgoing (says Utena)... quiet around people I don't like
Number of TVs in your house: 6
Number of Computers in your house: 1 and a half. Mine, and sometimes my dads laptop.
Sports you play: Marching Band
Do you have a boy/girlfriend? hahaha!... no
Best online friend: Umm... Danni and Rach and Veg! *nods*
Have you ever gone skinny dipping: no
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? no
Have you ever had tonsils or appendix removed? no
One pillow or two: 1
Shampoo or conditioner? Shampoo
Adidas, Nike, or Reebok: Adidas
Type of toothpaste: Mentadent
Pets: Cat- Shadow, Dog- Kirei
Obsessions: Julien, anime, "Fred"
Over-used phrases: "...like mushrooms." "Dammit!" "Haha!"
Worst time of day: 3rd period- algebra... or band rehearsal days.
Favorite time of year: Winter
Favorite colors: Blue, Black, Silver, Green
Favorite game to play: Parcheesi...
Favorite boys/girls names: Julien, Julian, Nick, Danielle
Favorite subject in school: Band, I guess, except when we march
Favorite thing to wear: MY blue jeans with studs going down the side, black DKNY shirt, my black (what my mom calls) combat boots, black belts, silver braclet... or my baggy black dragon pants
Favorite food: Chicken Teriyaki and rice
Least favorite food: Instand Mashed Potatoes
Favorite ice cream flavor: Strawberry... But Phish food is good, too
Favorite kind of chocolate: white
Favorite Soft Drink: Moutain Dew Code Red!!!!!! And Coke
Favorite flower: White rose
Favorite sport to watch: football
Favorite Movies: anything action related that's not a western
Favorite Cartoon [not anime]: IZ, or South Park, or Simpsons
Favorite Disney Animated Movie: Lion King
Favorite TV Shows: Non anime? Um, okay... SNL, Mad TV, Drew Carey, Who's Line, TV Funhouse XD
Favorite Music Group: ummm... Greenday is good... but then again...
Favorite Books: tons
Most Favorite anime/manga: Ranma, Sorcerer Hunters, Van... and... let me get back to you.
Least favorite anime/manga: Ronin Warriors, Yu-Gi-Oh, Card Captor Sakura (english), and Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon (Note: The manga is good, but the anime revolves too much around Usagi, whether it be dub or Jap.)
Favorite Anime/Manga Characters: Ryoga, Carrot, Van, Yamato, Miki
Least Favorite Anime/Manga Character: Anything relating to Ronin Warriors, Usagi Tsukino, Kuno, Mamoru Chiba *insert vomit here* Sharpener ala DBZ dumbass, That June chick from Digimon (YAMATO IS MINE, DAMMIT!) Miyako and Daisuki, also Digimon.
Favorite Anime/Manga Couples: Umm... they all suck? All the hot guys always have bitches as girlfriends, or something.
Top 10 Most Favorite Anime opening songs:
In no order...
Breeze- Megumi Hayashibara
Just be Conscious- Megumi
First Love- Utada Hikaru
Through the Night- Outlaw Star Opening
Yubiwa- Maaya
Get Along- Megumi
Mask- Masami
White Reflection- Two Mix
Daijou Daijou- ???
Try Again- Megumi Hayashibara
Favorite seiyuu: Megumi Hayshibara
Anything different about you? I'm... me...

My fingers went numb during Sun Cat...

Sat, 27 Oct 2001 03:40:04 GMT

I'm soooooo exhausted. We had a football game tonight, and of course, we lost. Only one more game of the season, because we suck like that. The band completely messed up the last song we marched to. I was probably the only flute that had any idea what to do.

I'll be glad when I have Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays off again. Oh, and my last counceling session is Tuesday, so next week is my last week off hellish hours... But then, of course, this means I have to ride the bus home, like 3 or 4 days a week, which sucks because I hate riding the bus! It takes about 40 minutes to get to my house with the route that my bus takes. Oh well.

It was so freezing today, and my flute sounded crappy because of it. Oh well. One week to go.

Thu, 25 Oct 2001 23:23:26 GMT

I AM 31% GEEK.

I probably work in computers, or a history
deptartment at a college. I never really
fit in with the "normal" crowd. But I have
friends, and this is a good thing.

Take the GEEK Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 36% GOTH.

Goth ny night, normal by day. Deep in my
heart I know I am evil, but not on the
company's time. I do need to eat.

Take the GOTH Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 36% PUNK.

Well, I may know what punk is, but... Okay
maybe some people think I am punk, but is
that enough? Nope.

Take the PUNK/POSER Test at Fuali.com!

I'm a third of everything... Moving on....

Jessica, you've got a little bit of Phoebe going on!

Um, ok! You're, like Phoebe. Ok, so you may not have Phoebe's, well, special intuition or, um, musical talent. But, like everyone's favorite beautiful-blond-psychic-masseuse, you never lie and your friends are the most important thing in your life.

With an utterly free spirit like yours, some people see you as flaky. But creative, perceptive-as-heck, and eerily wise is more like it. You see the good in everyone, which could make your dating life a bit, well, uneven. But you always land on your feet with your humor, kindness, (and who-knows-what-from-beyond) as your guide.

Thu, 25 Oct 2001 02:16:15 GMT

I decided I'm not going a detailed account of what happened this past week and a half, 'cause nothing happened. I'll just tell you what happened today and such.

I got locked out of the house for almost two hours. I couldn't even go on a walk around the neighborhood, because my stupid pup kept following me. She wouldn't let me put a leash around her, either. That obideince school better work. Of course, she isn't even going enough to learn anything. My dad went into a blind rage today, cussing out my mother because the dog but a couple of chew marks on his briefcase type thing. He stormed out of the house, and I haven't seen him for the past 3 hours.

Yeah, people are actually saying that they missed me, which surprised me. Danni thought I had died or something, and Starcloud thought I had, like, anthrax or something. Hopefully, I'll have my new journal up by Staurday.

I talked to Mark for the first time in over a week today. We're going to try and meet up this Saturday, but I don't know if that's going to happen.

I hacked into his e-mail account (okay, so he gave me his password and asked me to check his e-mail for him, regardless) but I noticed that he got an e-mail from Lacy, like, ten days ago. I haven't gotten one from her since August 13th. She's called Staci, and said that she was going to call me, but that didn't happen. I'm still waiting on some form of communication from her, but I doubt that I'm going to get that. Oh well, I sent her an e-mail when I was in Mark's e-mail account. Maybe she'll actually read it if she thinks it's from him. I told her that it was me, of cours,e but at least it will get her reading some of it. I acted all cynical in it, but I am kinda mad that she hadn't even e-mailed her best friend like she promised about 238239 times. Oh well.

I have practice tomorrow (joygasm). At least this game is a hoem game. I guess I'll be off to bed, nighty-o all.

Wed, 24 Oct 2001 03:38:24 GMT

*wonders if anyone missed her*

Wed, 24 Oct 2001 03:22:49 GMT

Yeah, I'm alive FYI. My modem got fryed last Sunday during a storm, and we just got a new one today. I'll update more later.

My report card:
Writing I: A
Band: A
Algebra: B
Health: A

Julien is super sessy!

Mon, 08 Oct 2001 00:29:54 GMT

The fair was lots o fun! ^_^
Amber and I spent a while following this hot guy.
I'm considering getting a new journal, I dunno. I already registered the name Kurai_Shoujo, but if I switch to that journal, I'm not going to delete this one... Too many memories. I just won't update this one, that's all.
Of course, that's if I use that journal.
Oh, and I got a new icon for my journal. Kudos to Amie! ^_^

Sat, 06 Oct 2001 14:24:51 GMT

Sorry it's been a while.

I've been busy.

I swear, I have. Wednesday at school... Hmm... not much happened. After school we (meaning my dad and I) took my puppy to the vet, then to obidence school @_@ I don't want to go again with her next week... Arg...

Thursday I had practice. When I came home from pratice, I had a big ass headache, so I took a hour long nap, then I had to clean my room and do my homework. Friday I was only home for a few minutes after school before I had to rush back to school for the game. We lost, of course, and we had to cut our halftime show short because theirs was long, because they had the middle school playing with them. They played and marched to three songs (the second one was extremly long, mind you) and then they played Tequila(sp?) with the middle schoolers. We only got to play and march to our opener, and and one other song.

But did their guard throw fire battons in the air? I don't think so! In your face, Oviedo! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Amber, Nathan, Amanda, and maybe Michelle and I are supposed to go to the October Feast. Thatll be fun.

Kimiko is so awesome...

http://www.megatokyo.com/strips/176.gif

Wed, 03 Oct 2001 02:53:35 GMT

Nothing really happened today.
I'm going to try and get over Nick, I don't know if that's going to happen or not. I mean, I don't have a chance with him after all, considering that he is chasing after this one girl, but still...
He had his head phones on today at lunch, and he was listening his CD full blast... I mean, Amber and I could hear what was comming out of his head phones, and so could every one else. Anyway, I lean over and whisper something to Amber (She could barely hear me) and Nick looks up at me with this half grin, as if to say "Haha, I know you all are talking about me!" mixed with this puzzled look. I literally fell over and started cracking up laughing...

Note to self, if I am going to get over him, I have to stop basing all my entries around him -.-

I need more opinions! Should I tell him or not?

Tue, 02 Oct 2001 20:50:17 GMT

Well...
Only one person answered the question I asked in my jouranl. This could have been for two reasons.

1- You were just too lazy to comment. Come on people, a simple yes or no is sufficant.
2- My last entry was only one that my friends could read. Since any of you reading this right now I assume are on my friends list, then I guess you weren't logged in last time you read your friends entries.

So please, humor me, and comment to my last entry

^_^

Mon, 01 Oct 2001 00:00:16 GMT

Will I find love?

What do you learn from the first card, that which represents the past?
THE EMPEROR (reversed) -- Immaturity. Ineffectiveness. Lack of strength. Indecision. Inability to make progress. Feebleness. Failure to control petty emotions.

What do you learn from the second card, that which represents the present?
FOUR OF SWORDS (reversed) -- Activity. Circumspection. Precaution. Economy. Guarded advancement. Desire to recover what is lost.

What do you learn from the third card, that which represents the future?
THE LOVERS -- Love. Beauty. Perfection. Harmony. Unanimity. Trials overcome. Trust. Honor. Possibly the beginning of a romance. Deep feeling. Development. Optimism. Letting oneself go. Freedom of emotion. The necessity of testing or subjecting to trial. Struggle between sacred and profane love. Examining. Yearning. Possible predicaments. A person deeply involved in the emotions and problems of a friend or relative. A meaningful affair.

:/

Sun, 30 Sep 2001 05:00:36 GMT

Will "Fred" ever ask me out?

The first card, the significator, is placed in the center of the cross. This card represents you. This card represents the prime energy manifesting in your life right now regarding the question.
THE WORLD -- Completion. Perfection. Recognition. Honors. Ultimate change. The end result of all efforts. Success. Assurance. Synthesis. Fulfillment. Triumph in undertakings. The rewards that come from hard work. The path of liberation. Eternal life. Admiration of others. Inheritance. This is a very favorable card, especially if surrounded by other favorable cards.

The second card has been placed above the significator This is the element of Air. This card tells you the influences upon your thoughts and mind.
THE DEVIL -- Ravage. Bondage. Malevolence. Subservience. Downfall. Lack of success. Weird experience. Bad influence or advice. Black magic. Unexpected failure. Seeming inability to realize one's goals. Dependence that leads to unhappiness. Controversy. Violence. Shock. Fatality. Temptation to evil. Regression. Self-destruction. Disaster. Astral influence. The tearing apart of one's self-expression to such an extent that the person becomes ineffectual. An Ill-tempered person. Lack of humor except at another's expense. Lack of principles.

The third card, placed to the right of the significator, tells you of the element of Fire. The card in this position show what kind of influences are affecting you emotionally. Also, what kind of influences are affecting your more primal and basic emotions.
TEMPERANCE -- Moderation. Temperance. Patience. That which can be accomplished through self-control and frugality. Accommodation. Harmony. The mixing or bringing together into perfect union. Management. Compatibility. Fusion. Good influence. Fortunate omen. Consolidation. Possibly a person without excessive tendencies. Confidence and placidity. Possibly too temperate and moderate to achieve a goal presently out of reach.

The fourth card, the card placed below the significator, is Water. This card teaches us about the spiritual influences affecting us in our higher emotions of love. This is the position of pure spiritual influences.
STRENGTH -- Strength. Courage. Fortitude. Conviction. Energy. Determination. Defiance. Action. Awareness of temptations and the mental and physical abilities to overcome them. Confidence. Innate ability. Zeal. Physical strength. Attainment at considerable peril. Hidden forces at work are challenged. Heroism. Virility. Strength to endure in spite of obstacles.

The fifth card, the card that has been placed to the left of the significator represents Earth. This card tells us how we are being affected by the physical plane. Also, this card tells us of spiritual effects directly upon the situation in the physical world.
THE HANGED MAN -- Life in suspension. Transition. Change. Reversal of the mind and one's way of life. In a passive sense, apathy and dullness. Boredom. Abandonment. Renunciation. The change of life's forces. Event's of an uncertain nature. The period of respite between significant events. Sacrifice. Readjustment. Regeneration. Improvement. Rebirth. The approach of new life forces. Surrender. Lack of progress. Oversacrifice. An unappreciated person.

At this point the cross is complete and the triangle is formed.
The sixth card and seventh card thedeck have been placed on the bottom left and right of the triangle. These thedeck represent the opposing forces. These forces may be internal; often times inner archetypes willbattle within giving us a sense of conflict.
THE EMPEROR -- Worldly power. Accomplishment. Confidence. Wealth. Stability. Authority. Indomitable spirit. Leadership. Maturity. Father. Brother. Husband. Male influence. Direct pressure. Conviction. Domination of intelligence and reason over emotion and passion. Attainment of goals. Achievement. Desire to increase domination in every direction. A capable person who is knowledgeable and competent.

REJUVENATION -- Atonement. Judgment. The need to repent and forgive. The moment to account for the manner in which we have used our opportunities. Rejuvenation. Rebirth. Improvement. Development. Promotion. Effort that ends in just reward. The desire for immortality. Legal judgment. One should carefully consider the effects of present actions on other persons.

This eighth card, the reconciler, is placed just below the cross in the third vertex of the triangle. This is the energy you may wish to meditate on and bring more of into your life in order to resolve the archetypal conflict. This is also the force that resolves things naturally, if you do nothing about the situation. With this card you have the triangle below the cross.
THE STAR -- Hope. Faith. Inspiration. Bright prospects. Mixing of the past and present. Optimism. Insight. Good omen. Spiritual love. Ascending star. Astrological influence. Satisfaction. Pleasure. The proper balance of desire and work, hope and effort, love and expression.

The final card has been placed in the center of the triangle. This is the final results card. The triangle in magickal operations is called the Triangle of Manifestation.
DEATH -- Transformation. Clearing away the old to make way for the new. Risk for renewal. Unexpected change. Loss. Failure. Abrupt change of the old self, though not necessarily physical death. The ending of a familiar situation or friendship. Loss of income or financial security. Beginning of new era. Illness, possibly even death. Streak of bad luck. A loan that will not be repaid.

Sat, 29 Sep 2001 18:29:48 GMT

Whee, I forgot to mention a couple of things that happened yesterday...

Welp, Michelle cuts her arm. I don't know if I mentioned that, but she does. (She says it helps the pain... That's a load of BS) She's been really depressed lately, about all this stupid shit. She's been really moronic, in my opinion, about it. She wont eat, because she claims it gives her a stomach ache. She'll say that she's hungry, but when you ask her why she didn't eat, she'll say that she didn't feel like it. And she'll bitch about being tired, but she wont go to bed earlier. It seems like she wants attention. I don't know what the hell is wrong with her, because she wont tell us (meaning her friends) She instead, calls Gene (from the chat) because she says that he makes her feel better.

But see, what I don't get is if he's so perfect, and he's so great, and if he is everything that she says he is, then why is her life so much more fucked up that it was before she started dating him? She never cut her arm before she started dating him. She was never this depressed.

What pisses me off, too, is she has completly been blowing her friends off. She wont tell us anything anymore. She says that she "Doesn't want to burden us with her problems".

Okay, Michelle, so rather talk to Amber and I, who could actually do something about your depression and help you, you call Gene up, who can not pysically do anything to make you feel better? He can't hug you, and he's not always there for you to talk to. Not to mention your phone bill is really high now that you decided to call him.

She has been blowing Amber and I off big time, by not talking to us. When we try and call her, her line is usually busy, or she's not home, or her brother is expecting a call. And when we actually do get a hold of her, she'll say that she has to go after about 5 minutes because her brother needs to use the phone. And the other day, she told Amber she feels like no one likes her anymore, because no one calls her or anything. And when Amber told her that the only reason we don't talk to her on the phone is because we can never get a hold of her, she says that it's not true.

Anyways, I was getting to something.

Like I said, Michelle had cuts on her arm. And lo and behold, she told the biggest blabber mouth around, Ila. Ila promised not to say anything, but, she did. And that pissed Michelle off, as well as me and Amber. She ended up telling the guidance counceler, so Michelle got called down to the guidance office. Ila ignored me and Amber all day, and when I asked her why did she tell a guidance counceler about Michelle, she denied it.

But, you see, Megan told Amber and I that Ila told her about telling the guidance counceler, so we knew she was lying then.

Friday, Ila ignored me too. She avoided Amber and I. But, she passed us once, so I ran after her.

Me: "Why did you tell the guidance counceler?"
Her: "..."
Me: "Oh wow, Ila, you're so mature by ignoring me. Now answer my question."
Ila: "I don't wanna talk about this."
Me: "You are going to talk about it. Why did you tell the counceler?"
Ila: "I'll tell you later."
Me: "I am so tired of hearing that fucking excuse. You always say that, and you never tell me!"
Ila: "I will! I have it all planned out!"
Me: "I don't care. Tell me now. We have 15 minutes till the bell rings, that's plenty of time."
Ila: "Michelle knows why I told."
Me: "Well, I don't know. Now why did you?"
Ila: *begins to walk off fast*
Me: *keeps up easily* What is your problem? Ila, tell me. Now."
Ila: "I don't want to talk about it."
Me: "Well, too bad, you are going to talk about it."
Ila: *sounds like she is abou to cry* Leave me alone, I don't wanna get involved in this anymore."
Me: "But you see, you already got yourself involved in this by telling the guidance couceler. You brought this shit upon your self, and you can't back down now."
Ila: *runs off*

-.-

That pisses me off.

Anyways, on a lighter note... Amber and I are going to take Michelle to the movies and this one resturant tomorrow and try and talk to her. At the resturant, she can't blow us off, like she has been doing. I hope it will help.

Oh, and I had a dream about that Japanese dude last night. ^^
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"HEY! YOU ALL QUIT CHEERING FOR LAKE BRANTLY'S BAND! THEY'RE RICHER THAN US!"
-Matt yelling at our band for cheering for the other band.